It’s commonly said that we learn the most significant lessons in the lowest and most difficult points of our lives. My life as a twenty-year-old was not the smoothest. In fact, it was probably my toughest year yet and 10/10 would not relive again. I found myself facing the loss of a loved one, falling out with friends, dealing with relationship hurdles and experiencing proper loneliness.
I turned 21 a couple of days ago and instead of talking about what I see ahead of me, I’m going to talk about the things I learned during the past year. These were lessons learned the hard way–with a lot of tears and compromises–yet that is the very same reason why I believe they are enduring truths.
Love should be kind.
I often believe that I try to do the right thing (or what I think the right thing is) in every situation. This has sometimes confused me into thinking that I am always right, or maybe that I’m the only one who’s right. The reality is that when I am extremely emotional, I can sometimes get stubbornly argumentative.
The sobering realization here is that I am sometimes capable of being unkind.
Many hours of discussion have helped me understand that my feelings aren’t the only ones that are valid, and they certainly don’t give me a right to speak and behave callously–especially not to someone I claim to respect and love.
I don’t have to be friends with everyone.
And yes, even old friends.
When I was much younger, I was the kind of person who didn’t have a lot of problems seeing eye to eye with pretty much everyone. Achieving harmony with the people around me was something that I prided myself on, and this extends up to now to a certain degree.
As the years go by, I’m becoming more intolerant and assertive to less than courteous attitudes–to behavior that does not add value to my life but in fact, achieves quite the opposite.
I have learned to grant only just enough energy to those who are quick to judge and lash out but are slow to listen, and to those incapable of seeing fault in everything other than themselves.
People change–for worse, but maybe also for better.
No one is born enlightened. What often happens is that we make mistakes, most times not deliberately, so that we can learn to improve. I’ve observed that humility is a rare quality; people ordinarily have trouble admitting to their errors. Despite that, there are individuals that will prove that their pride is nonessential compared to their honor.
To grant this renewed faith in someone is a risk and yes, it is hard, but it is harder to live a life of pain and anger. At 20, I understood just how right they were when they said that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.
Solitude is sometimes necessary, but too much is torturous.
My study abroad experience in Dublin last Spring was lonely. I grieved the death of my grandmother from afar and dealt with something that was previously unfamiliar–solitude. For the first time ever, I had no roommates to bug me about grabbing dinner or watching a movie together.
Initially, I had embraced this environment, thinking it was exactly what I needed following a crappy semester of living in a cramped dorm with four people (+ regular guests). However, it became clear to me later that I’m really not the “live alone” type of person.
Sure, it’s exhausting to be constantly surrounded by people but the exact opposite is just downright depressing. Thankfully, my living situation for the upcoming school year gives me a balance–I’d still be living with my closest friends, but this time, we have enough room for guests and I finally have my own bedroom.
Strength should foremost be sought from within myself.
Many of my beliefs have evolved in the last couple of years.
Perhaps the most important change in my outlook is my perception of “independence”. Now, independence to me is knowing that my personal problems are my own responsibility; I cannot change the ways of the world and the world cannot change itself just to accommodate me. I help myself without expecting others to help and I realize that I am not strong when I point fingers at others for the things I don’t have and the things I can’t do.
My teenage self was noticeably different in this regard. In hindsight, I was constantly frustrated no doubt because of my self-limiting mindset. Comparing my happiness level between then and now…the difference is night and day.
Of course, I am by no means a perfect person today, and that’s just fine. It’s actually so humbling to think that I will perhaps never stop learning. Hopefully, this year will not be quite as difficult as the previous year, but I honestly know that I will be okay whatever happens.
Ferna’s interests include blogging, reading and learning all things digital media! She hopes to soon become a half-decent baker.
Find me on: Facebook
