How to Respond to Comments About Your Weight

I am no stranger to comments like “Uy tumaba ka! (Oh, you gained weight!)“ from relatives and friends.

As many of you know, I had successfully shed around 40 lbs last year. While I received lots of “way to go”s, there have also been a handful of comments along the lines of “Konti pa! (Just a little more!)” or, from those who last saw me when I was a skinnier 8-year-old, “Lumapad ka, noh? (You got ‘wider’, huh?)”

I could write a post dedicated to these people who are so keen to make such comments (e.g. our friends from elementary school, our relatives, our friends’ parents, and even our goshdarn doctors), but there are waaay too many of them to address and unfortunately, it may not really achieve anything.

So instead, I am writing to you.

Why? Well, the main reason is that I relate to you. You probably hear the same remarks from your loved ones (and unloved ones lbr) and, just like me, are sick of it.

Because of our shared experience, we are more likely to get somewhere positive together. So really, I’d much rather talk to you.

Muster up some inner strength.

Regardless of whether their comments are true or not, you probably just feel like it’s not nice or you’d rather not have your size be the topic of discussion.

I know you also know that most of these people don’t say these things in the way that they do because they care about your health; they’re just being mean or condescending. And you’re probably right.

The Philippines, along with many other countries, has this epal unusual culture where people seem to have no problem commenting on other people’s body size. Based on experience, this isn’t as prevalent in America.

It’s true that we can and maybe should make attempts to change this culture of head-to-toe appraisals and snarky declarations. Unfortunately, the truth remains that we are unlikely to make this transition anytime soon. 

“Changing the system”, so to speak, often takes a lot of time – perhaps extending beyond our lifetimes. 

My point here is that it’s hard to control other people’s behavior and we can have much better luck controlling our own. When we do this, we don’t have to wait a lifetime before we can finally feel secure. So take a different approach – focus on yourself. These people truly aren’t worth the effort, but your own self is.

Aim to achieve sustainable happiness.

When you decide to focus on yourself and what makes you happy, be sure to aim for a sustainable kind of happy.

Unsustainable happiness is enjoying your third bag of chips only to regret it later. It’s also having your self-esteem rely on compliments from other people. 

On the other hand, sustainable happiness is long-term and is not fleeting.

If you are overweight and are insecure about it even without comments from other people, you can achieve sustainable happiness by becoming more active. I know that this was the case for me. I was overweight and unhappy, and having other people point out my expanding size didn’t necessarily create my insecurities; it fueled already existing ones.

So while other people really should not be making comments, it’s good to be honest with yourself about how you feel about your body. The next step is to then work on these feelings, if negative, in a healthy way.

For me, exercising has been an effective way to lift my mood. There are also observable physical effects in my body and I feel a lot better about my appearance compared to before. This is a sustainable kind of happy!

I know some of us heavier girls almost feel like we don’t want to exercise and lose weight because of the comments we get (as odd as that sounds). But trust me, wanting to look and feel good is not a bad thing! You aren’t going to be taking care of yourself because of them, it’s because you want it for yourself.

Stay classy!

We all know that one guy who loves to point out your supposedly malaking braso (big arms). Although it’s tempting to respond by saying he ain’t even passably cute, don’t do it kahit totoo.

What I often do when people repeatedly make statements about my size is respond jokingly or finish their predictable sentences for them. In that way, if they ever remotely enjoyed teasing me, I might be able to take the fun out of it. It could also hint that they talk about my weight waaay too much. 🙄

It almost feels unjust to not lash out but it almost never achieves anything positive. 

So try not to shout at them – or worse, point out their flaws or insecurities.

Instead, ignore their comments or respond with kindness or humor. It’s a little frustrating but sometimes, people are just the way they are and it’s too much work to change them.

Don’t mind their irrelevant little remarks. Again, focus on you and making yourself (sustainably) happier and more confident.

Because the more confident you are, honestly, the less you care about what they say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photos by A. Yaghi. Taken in St. Augustine, FL in August 2018.