Sustaining a long-distance relationship is undeniably hard work.
If you aren’t in one yourself, just imagine a typical relationship…except with (sometimes painfully long) periods of physical separation. That’s hundreds of hours of Skype calls, thousands of lines of text conversations, and terribly long drives and plane rides.
Adding that on top of the daily stresses of life, it can be extremely frustrating and difficult to manage.
Unfortunately, this is the reality for a good percentage of couples around the world. In the United States alone, there were 14 million people doing long-distance in 2005. That’s 16 years ago when online options we currently enjoy were hardly the norm!
For this article, I interviewed 7 couples about their honest experiences of long-distance lovin’. If you’re curious about how they keep their relationships afloat, read on.
Growing Together
While a lot of what’s depicted about long-distance dating in mainstream media is couples meeting online, plenty of people also end up having to do long-distance after they’ve committed to each other in person. It’s a pretty common thing now during the pandemic—and I’m sure you’ve seen for yourself the slew of love-stricken posts on social media from couples who’ve had to temporarily part.
Ricardo, 24, and his girlfriend Karen, 26, were an example. The two lovebirds first met as interns at the House of Representatives of the United States in 2018. They started dating in 2020 and physically separated near the beginning of their relationship for months as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The strain of the distance so early into their relationship led to fights that Ricardo describes were purely out of miscommunication. “There is a big mental exhaustion that comes with sustaining a relationship online,” he shares. “We dealt with it by opening up to one another completely.”
When asked whether he believes all couples can do long-distance, Ricardo says yes, but they should be aware of the fine print. The biggest one, he believes, is the possibility of the individuals growing independently instead of together.
Though he admits that it was a challenge merging their plans and goals from a distance, Ricardo has this to say, “You don’t want your partner to be better for the ‘us’, you want to be better for each other.”
“Love is a conscious choice you make every day,” Ricardo says. “Supporting your partner, encouraging their dreams, pushing them to be better for themselves always should come from a selfless place.”
Ricardo and Karen have since then reunited in Washington D.C. and celebrated their first anniversary in January.
READ: The Upsides of Long-Distance Relationships
Dealing with Uncertainty
Ottilie and Rhett, both 22, met when they were still international students in the United Kingdom. However, the couple has been LDR for almost the entirety of their relationship. They committed to each other in their home city of Hong Kong shortly before Rhett departed for the UK once more to pursue his master’s degree.
The two call each other frequently, a habit made easier by the pandemic because of the work-from-home setup. As a project, they have “adopted” a couple of crochet dogs (see picture) for which they jointly maintain a Twitter and a blog site.
Ottilie believes that their relationship hasn’t really been threatened by the distance. Nonetheless, she does admit that when they are together, the physical closeness still offers them a lot of comfort. “We have a very good relationship and great conversations when we are apart anyway. Not a whole lot changes, but things are just better in general.”
For Ottilie, one of the downsides is the occasional anxiety they feel over future plans and figuring out how they can be in the same place.
“I deal with it by telling myself that no one can predict what happens in 5 years,” she says. “So there is no need to give up something good in return for something uncertain.“
The two are still going strong in a long-distance relationship, with Rhett visiting Ottilie in Hong Kong every 2-3 months.
Handling Emotional Struggles and Conflicts
The start of the relationship between Katie, 37, and Jon, 48, sounds straight out of a rom-com: Katie was a city pageant participant in the Philippines whose beauty and charm caught the attention of a lady who is now her mother-in-law. Eager to set up a match, the lady excitedly sent Katie’s picture and number to her son, Jon—without Katie’s knowledge!
Shortly after, Katie was stunned to receive a box with three white roses from Jon. Not only that, but her now-husband also asked her on their first date—by the beach and under the moonlight, of course—within a span of 3 days!
The couple fell in love and it wasn’t long before they were married. As they started a life together in the U.S., they had to endure 4 difficult years apart when Jon enlisted in the military.
“Jon would come home every few months on certain holidays. He would stay for the weekends and it was just hard. It wasn’t enough time,” Katie recalls.
“My heart ached all the time. I’m a very emotional person and I admit that I’m usually the one who was at fault,” says Katie. “Most of the time it was because he was tired after a long day and we didn’t get to talk for a long time. “
Katie shares that arguments have always been rare occurrences between her and her husband. But when they did happen, the couple ensured to make up and kiss before the end of the day. And, this is a rule that they stick to up to this day.
When Jon was far away, Katie says she didn’t like speaking to him when she was emotional. “He would end the call to give me time and he’ll call back to see if I was alright and if I was ready to talk.”
Katie and Jon have just celebrated 19 beautiful years of partnership and are happy to have closed the distance.
Spending Time Together While Apart
A couple of years ago, Rose, 28, and Mae, 31, met via an online game. At the time, Mae had already built a life for herself in the U.S. and Rose had hers in the Philippines. Unfazed, they braved about a year of LDR with the end goal of being together clear in their minds.
“We only visited once [before we got married] and Mae had stayed for a month. We rented an AirBnb,” Rose shares.
The two are now enjoying married life together, noting that life has certainly been very different.
“Since I got here in the U.S., we’re always together. We do things together and we share everything. It’s such a relief,” Rose gushes. “I can hug and touch her anytime I want.”
Although being together has certainly been a blessing to them, Rose points out that their frequent virtual dates while in an LDR were also memorable.
“We ate meals together, watched movies—both online and in the cinemas—and chatted on the phone a lot of the time.”
Rose identifies these activities, along with prayer and constant communication, as some that helped her and Mae cope with the distance.
Rose and Mae have been happily married for over a year.
Making Sure They Are On the Same Page
Precious, 23, and Alfred, 26, met through each other’s best friends who were dating. Their own love bloomed when they were virtually introduced. Despite being in totally different countries, they began a relationship that has now been continuously blossoming for 4 years.
Being apart from one’s partner for extended periods of time can sometimes induce feelings of neglect or frustration. To combat this, Precious and Alfred make it a point to be intentional about sharing what is going on in their lives. And yes, this includes things that are normally considered irrelevant or even “unpleasant”.
This understanding has helped the couple truly feel like a part of each other’s lives. In Precious’ words, “it helps build confidence when you are [constantly] being trusted with info…”
Precious notes that it’s also important not to compare their relationship with other couples’. “We understood that we are on a different journey—very specific to our arrangement, really—and not everything that applies to other relationships could work for us.“
Does Precious believe all couples are built for long-distance? She answers: “Personalities and what you value in relationships also come to play. If your definition of a relationship is deeply rooted in [physical] closeness…then it’s just unhealthy to force yourself into any LDR situation.“
As long as the couple has an arrangement that they both can accommodate, they believe it makes sense to keep the relationship thriving.
It’s remarkable to hear that at this point in their 4-year-relationship, they’ve only met in person once! Precious also credits their Christian faith as one of the major factors that has helped them they strong together. The two are currently still in an LDR and are looking forward to when this is no longer the case.
They Already Know They’ve Found “The One”
Louizel, 26, describes her first meeting with Rafael, 30, as “not the typical love story you tell your kids.”
The year was 2016 and the then Manila-based gal was partying with her boyfriend at a club. She briefly spoke to Rafael, who was vacationing from California, as her group joined his on the busy dance floor.
No romance happened between them until many months later when Rafael, back in the U.S., messaged her on social media following her breakup with her boyfriend.
One thing led to another and soon, they made their relationship “official” over FaceTime before planning Rafael’s next summer visit to the Philippines. This became a consistent arrangement for the couple—one month spent together every year during summers.
That is until the two tied the knot three years later in California.
“I’ve been through a lot of failed relationships before so I have some idea of how guys can be in a relationship,” Louizel says. “I took a risk to be in an LDR with Rafael because I was surprised that he’s not like the other guys I’ve dated.“
“Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be with the other guys I dated,” Louizel muses. “And Rafael’s just the right match for me.“
Louizel and Rafael have been married since April last year.
Setting (And Meeting!) All Kinds of Goals
Mark and Mia attended the same high school from 2005 to 2008. But, it wasn’t until more than a decade later at a music festival in Manila that they considered being in a romantic relationship with each other.
Over blaring music and raucous cheers, the two managed to catch up. It didn’t take long before—in Mia’s words—”sparks flew,” and the two became a couple later that year.
Both people had individual plans set when they reconnected and fell in love. Mia had lived in Singapore and went on to pursue her master’s in Ireland. At the same time, Mark had started completing his own post-graduate degree in the Philippines.
Despite this, the couple was determined to make it work. Mia says they decided to “take a leap of faith” and use their time apart to “realize their fullest potential as individuals and as a couple.“
The distance, of course, introduced unique problems despite their resolve. Mark points out one of them—the tendency to overcompensate by smothering each other with texts and calls.
“It was good at first but we [eventually] got burnt out,” he admits.
A more sustainable means of easing their longing seemed to be setting all sorts of goals—short-term, long-term and even silly ones—to look forward to. This included discussing where they want to be in the next five years and completing a 30-day yoga challenge together!
“Since we could not help our LDR situation, our conversations revolved around our future with a degree of certainty,” Mia shares. “We always had something to look forward to.”
Since then, Mark and Mia have happily closed the distance during the pandemic in the Philippines.
Honestly, long-distance relationships can feel like unfair tests of emotional strength. But, many of us are undoubtedly grateful it is possible to even be in them.
If you’re just about to start doing lost-distance with your partner, we sincerely hope this article gave you hope and inspiration.
Comment below and share your own long-distance experience with us!
Ferna’s interests include blogging, reading and learning all things digital media! She hopes to soon become a half-decent baker.
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