Reinventing. There’s something very appealing about that word. It’s thinking, “I don’t like this and this about myself” and then excitedly working on fixing those things. To be honest, this is a mindset I never really had in high school; it was more like, “Oh well, guess I’m stuck like this.”
At the time, I thought self-acceptance was the only step towards being truly satisfied with myself. But I’ll be honest: my attempts at “self-acceptance” were fruitless when deep down I felt like I was just duping myself into thinking that I didn’t really feel like there was anything to change.
It should have been obvious to me that feeling comfortable in my own skin took effort. It should have been obvious that self-acceptance is a separate goal on its own.
Again, I didn’t really know this. It actually used to annoy the crap out of me when people said “Happiness is a choice” since I was under the impression that I was destined to be perpetually depressed and I didn’t actually have any control over my situation. (Sigh, I was sooo misunderstood.)
Anyway, enough about the good ‘ol days. 🙂
Hi, I’m Ferna, and admittedly, I don’t think that I’m the most impressive person ever.
Maybe it’s because I don’t usually take myself that seriously, but really, I can’t think of anything I am exceptionally good at and I’ve always had issues with my physical appearance.
Sure, maybe I just have high standards for myself sometimes, but as someone pointed out to me before, I (like many other people) have the tendency to allow my fear of failing to prevent me from improving. I think that that was an accurate assessment, and unfortunately, I do think that this applies to me mostly in my personal life, particularly with activities that could potentially develop into serious hobbies.
RELATED: Why I Decided to Lose Weight and How I Did It
The purpose of this blog is to encourage myself to lose that fear of failure because it’s the real reason why I feel paralyzed when it comes to doing a lot of things, even activities that I actually enjoy.
For example, I haven’t uploaded anything on my Wattpad account because I’ve been too worried about receiving negative feedback and a miserable amount of reads. The end result is that I’ve been too anxious to write anything ever since I allowed that fear to take over, and this has seriously caused my writing skills to dwindle.
Not counting the dozens of Piczo sites I managed between the ages of 10-14 (one of which was Miley Cyrus-themed), Reinventing Ferna is my third ever personal blog. My previous blog (as well as the one before that) was under Tumblr (where, you know, only the most serious content can be found) and it did pretty well.
Some of you may wonder why I don’t just continue updating that old one. Well, one of the reasons is that the Ferna that wrote in that blog is a stranger to me now. Although it’s only been about a year since I’ve last updated that one, I now hold different opinions about many things, even those that I once thought I was passionate about.
Sure, young Ferna was idealistic, ambitious and full of conviction, but she was also seriously in denial and misguided in particular ways (which I will most likely reveal in the future).
In retrospect, she was unhappy. Not only was she unhappy, she didn’t particularly care about helping herself. I think that many of the things I believed in at the time reflected my general diffidence. And when I glance at my old blog posts, I can trace my subtle insecurity.
So no, goodbye to that old blog. To have it show up on search engines when people enter my name would not be something I’d want just because I’m afraid people would think that I’m still the exact same person.
I mean, in one of the blog posts I expressed triumph over the act of cutting my own hair above shoulder level “like Mulan”. I regretted it so much. It was pretty bad, mostly because the scissors were on the blunt side, and I have no idea how I deluded myself into thinking it was “empowering”. I don’t want people to come across that post and think, “Lolz she’s proud of this?”
So yes. New me, new blog, I suppose? I’m aware that it’s looking pretty blank at the moment but don’t worry, it’s gonna blow your socks off in time.
I have to admit I’m not entirely sure how this will go, but I’m really excited.
Ferna’s interests include blogging, reading and learning all things digital media! She hopes to soon become a half-decent baker.
Find me on: Facebook
